I watched the annual State of the Union address last night and I decided that it would be extremely difficult to be the President. With that in mind, let’s say, hypothetically, that you miraculously were elected President. And we all know that being the President means that you have lots of power, as you are in fact the leader of the free world. There are checks in balances that keep you in line, though no one really knows what that means. Anyway, one day a bill of legislation comes across your desk to be signed into law. If signed, this bill will inexplicably instantly give lots of money to all the poor in the entire world; they would also receive great jobs, financial training, food, great schools, houses, and everything else that will help those who are impoverished to rise up out of the poverty. There would be no more homeless people in the streets, no more starving children, a lot less crime, and high quality urban schools. Basically, every aspect of everyone’s life, not just the poor, would increase. The best part about this bill is the money that it will take to fund this project inexplicably comes from nowhere. The money comes from an unknown source and does not affect the American taxpayers, which makes you and the American taxpayers very happy. However, there is a clause in the bill that upon signing the bill, all the baby kittens in the entire world will enigmatically and instantly die. There is absolutely no way around it. If you ink the bill on your desk every kitten in the world will sadly die. With this in mind, do you still sign the bill?
-DBTG
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uh uh uh... i don't know! i guess the best way to go is to have everyone vote on it. but the problem with that is everone would be undecided except for ... PETA!!! so i don't know i'd probably sign it
This all sounds wonderfull (me being a dog lover), but it would render many jobless without the poor, hungry, needy, and helpless to save. Although, how would that work if everyone had a job by signing the bill? Okay no loop holes here...kill the kittens.
So, all the current kittens would die... but what about the ones that are forthcoming? Would this mean the end of cats altogether? (all together?) What about lions and tigers? Aren't they cats? What about sending the bill back to congress and telling them to make it so that something really irritating like wasps or yellowjackets or maybe people from New York would disappear? It's tough being the president. And he's not just the president. He's a client.
i once read that every time a person masturbates, God kills a kitten. if that's the case (and we all know it is), then the ever-increasing prevalence of pornography in the world (the porn industry rakes in more dough in a year than professional football (NFL), basketball (NBA), and baseball (MLB) combined) is causing so much masturbation that the world's kittens won't survive anyway. and since the bill will improve people's lives, that tells me there will be no more porn.
so...if i don't sign the bill:
- porn stays
- life sucks
- kittens die because of habitual masturbation
if i sign it:
- porn goes
- life is good
- kittens die because of...well, they die
yeah, i don't think the kittens are really the issue here.
sign it...
Save DNA samples of the kittens.
Once they die, clone, clone, clone.
We've learned to clone already...
So what if it costs over $100K to make one? They populate quickly and we will have free money coming from nowhere!
oh, but if all our problems are solved, we have more energy to focus on preserving the kittens of the pregnant cats at the time of the signing. (it didn't kill pregnant adult cats hehe) so they eventually come back and we're all happy
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